


grandparents

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Humor, Snippet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25391125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: John has a realization.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18
Collections: Anonymous





	grandparents

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: "100 words of baffling family trees"

"Hey," John says one evening, staring at clown painting on the wall while sprawled out on the living room couch. Movie night's over, the screen long since faded to black after the stream of credits trickled to nothing. "If Nanna and your Grandpa are our parents, and the Batterwitch adopted them, does that mean the fish troll girl is our aunt?"

Jade, lying on the floor beside an emptied bowl of microwave popcorn, considers this for a moment. "Is she Betty Crocker's sister or her daughter?" she asks in return, furrowing her brow. Her ears twitch and flick an unpopped kernel across the carpet.

"I mean, I think if she was her sister she'd be, like, our great aunt? But that's not really that different."

Somewhere in kitchen, Davesprite knocks over a glass with a wing and curses.

John sits bolt upright. His eyes are wide with revelation. "Wait, if she's our aunt, and her mom was basically a horror terror, does that make the horror terrors our great-grandparents?"

Jade turns her head to give him an odd look, but doesn't say anything yet. Her own mind is chewing on the new idea like a tough scrap of meat and bone, working through it with quiet focus.

Davesprite emerges into the room, smelling faintly of fruit juice. His feathers are sticky even at a distance. "What are you guys talking about?"

A creeping horror hollows John's face, casting shadow beneath his eyes. "Rose was possessed by our actual great-grandparents."

Davesprite discreetly glances over at Dad Egbert's liquor cabinet, which remains shut and locked, like it has been since the clown piano incident. "What the hell are you talking about."

"Our parents were adopted by the Batterwitch, and her mom is a horrorterror," John explains, voice bordering on hysterical. "They're basically our great-grandparents."

"That's so fucking dumb," says Davesprite, but he sits down on the arm of the couch anyway. "It's not like that matters. Aren't you basically your own dad anyway?"

"Ugh." John groans, sliding an arm down his face. "Don't remind me."

Several minutes later, Jade speaks up. "So, if Karkat created all the trolls, does that make him our great-grandpa, too?"

John chucks a pillow at her.

Davesprite bites his lip to keep from laughing. "She's kinda right, though," he points out. John throws a pillow at him, too.

"I'm going to sleep now," John announces, sinking deeper into the couch cushions. Jade, feeling merciful, lets him.


End file.
